Betsy's Page by Betsy Newmark is one the best blogs. She posted this bit on bad writing. I agree with her that the runner-up entry was the best.

The Bulwer-Lytton contest for the best bad opening sentence has chosen a winner. The winner of the parody contest was a retired mechanical designer, Jim Guigli. His winning entry:

"Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one small window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman whose body said you've had your last burrito for a while, whose face said angels did exist, and whose eyes said she could make you dig your own grave and lick the shovel clean."

Actually, I like the second place winner better.

I know what you're thinking, punk," hissed Wordy Harry to his new editor, "you're thinking, 'Did he use six superfluous adjectives or only five?' -- and to tell the truth, I forgot myself in all this excitement; but being as this is English, the most powerful language in the world, whose subtle nuances will blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk?"

I've always thought that it would be a fun English class writing assignment to have the kids write entries for the contest. If they can recognize what bad writing is, it might be the first step towards editing it out of their own writing. It sure would be fun to grade. You could send the kids back for rewrite because their writing just wasn't bad enough.